Pavement Pizza

September 16, 2009
$pitting on Stranger$

$pitting on Stranger$

Indie’s most threadbare plaid-rock act Pavement are back next year. “Finally! A cheque with enough zeros!” touts a dribbling Malkmus. They’ll no doubt be parroting their timeworn ‘jams’ to rose-tinted, liver-spotted tea-sippers the world round. Expect the pussiest ATP yet.

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White on Rice

September 15, 2009
500 Days of Infinite Playlist

500 Days of Infinite Playlist

Do we really need any more of this pithy waffle? It’s Garden State with an asian. Just fuck off with this insubstantial tripe. Go back to smoking tab ends from the street and stop bothering me with this ‘indie’ hogwash. Dave Boyle my arse.

Muse – The Resistance

September 15, 2009

Like a beached whale bloating and festering in the sun, Muse drag the sorry carcass of orchestral pomposity back into our lives. Bellamy can get down with Freddie Mercury now ’cause Muse are deader than Patrick Swayze.

Arctic Monkeys – Humbug

September 14, 2009
Artists Impression

Artists Impression

 They’ve been swimming in the maingy soup of dead skin and pubic hair that is Josh Homme’s cold bathwater, suckling at his dusty teat in vain hope of any kind of musical sustainance. They failed miserably, the guitars still only have one string and Turner’s well of painfully mediocre lyricisms has run drier than the blood in Homme’s ancient veins. What did we expect from the Monkeys though? Anything but excrement would be a lie.

Wild Beasts – Two Dancers

September 14, 2009

jho

Incessantly vapid loops of watery gravy.  Singer feigns some sort of talent through an interminable falsetto. Mercifully it lasts just over half an hour. I’d rather be smothered inside Newton Faulkner’s rubbery cheeks than sacrifice my ears to this turgid mess again.

Manic Street Preachers – Journal for Plague lovers

September 12, 2009
"Had the right idea"

"Had the right idea"

1968, in a disused public bathroom a soiled whore wipes the syphillic froth from her cracked lips and squats, bent awkwardly over the piss-sticky toilet for another slack fucking. Seven and a half months later a malformed foetus is cut from her lifeless body. Jokingly, Paramedics name him James Dean Bradfield. 41 years later the joke just ain’t funny anymore.

HEALTH – Get Color

September 11, 2009

I touched the sun and it burned me.

Let the right one in

September 11, 2009

Dross. Faux- Atmospheric gimcrackery. A folderalic trump sausage wrapped in vampiric sex meat.

The Big Pink – Domino

September 11, 2009

This one’s a right steamer of a turd. Derivative MGMT posturing with none of the nuances and fun.

Lyrically redundant and musically predictable, save the crashing drumsound.

 Sounds like this years Iglu & Hartly. Sounds like I want to punch them in the eyes

Lindstrom – Where you go I go too

September 11, 2009

Not even background music, just drivel.  Like bathing in the spittle of an ageing postman. Offensively drab.