Alice in Wonderland

Phallus in Wonderland

Tim Burton’s wildly unimaginative approximation of the already interest-free Alice is a film experience akin to finding a lump of floating shit in the toilet of a loved one; one of disgust, disbelief and profound disappointment.

Burton’s visual landscape is bereft of any flair or beauty and his miserable attempts at backward storytelling are paper thin and nauseating. The overrated and overused Depp and Bonham-Carter are in themselves enough to warrant a refund and the petulant Wasikowska paints the ‘ heroine’ Alice as a hideously malnourished insectival wretch, but it is Matt Lucas’s odious performance as the Tweedles that truly takes the cake as the most poorly conceived, irritating and downright vomit incucing cartoon creation since the entire cast of Avatar.

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